I Never Found the River

Sunrise found me out
Languishing on the river bank
Where the sound of peacocks
And self-important finches
Dipped and darted over
My ears

Have you ever watched
The sunrise
Over the river
Rushing by
Tasting your feet
Bringing immortality
To bear on the present
Moment

I meant to go down
To the riverbank I knew
Expecting to find
Molten gold
Dancing to and fro
On the tips of sapphire ripples
Splashes of diamonds
Waiting for me
To take extravagance
On my tongue

But I was halted
Breathless in my tracks
By the sight of your
Fresh body
Wet and naked
Though clothed in the
Eternal sky

I could not speak
To the busy finches
And their arrogant kin
Weaving their industry
Like a tapestry of lapis
And gold about you

Muscles firm and tight
Loins slightly apart
Rich in the treasure of manhood
For my prying eyes
A peacock soaked in the envious sky
Whose azure beauty
By evening fades
Behind the dusky groves

Mangoes weighing down
A heavy branch
Lusty and sweet
I dream of plucking them
With my mouth
As I watch you
Dip and rise, dip and rise

Your skin alive
With millions of diamonds
My eyes devour you
Dark and becoming
The sun adores every curve
And sends the wind
Back where it came from

Somewhere in the distance
A sitar strikes
A haunting melody
While the water at your feet
Pays homage to an earthly beauty

My tongue between my teeth
Hungers for those mangoes
A branch to grasp
From a fertile tree
Beneath him
I could compose a melody
To carry my desire
Down through the ages

Such lofty sentiments
Fade as the sky fades
As the shadow of timeless mountains
Flickers over the earth
All gone so fast
But what remains?

I hold on
To this moment
Longing to savor the taste
Of mangoes
With the sunset
To wet my skin
With the libations
Of your naked youth

Invigorated
Never chaste
My thoughts run away
With that river
Those ambitious little birds
Those million diamonds
Shattering over your torso

How many hours
Did I give away
Waiting breathless
In the shadows
Thinking all the while
Of everything I could take
With my starving fingers

My lips never coaxed
The nectar
From a heavy mango
My toes never kissed
The eternal water
And I never found the river

You Called the Light Out of Me

You called the Light
Out of me
When by night
I passed in silence
The forlorn sentinels
Of cypress trees
Standing as guardians
Of a past
Still painfully present

I needed a voice
To guide me
Through the snags
Of branches, thorns
Holes in my heart

I clutched your words
Savored the flavor
Of unspoken desires
Watching the flicker
Of light dancing
In your eyes

Can the heart
Live again
Once buried and gagged
By the past?
To be young again
Fresh
Wrapped in silk
Within the cocoon
Of your body
The fragrance of the future
Heady between your legs

I waded through torrents
Falling from the sky
To stand beside you
In the tender moonlight
Without faltering
You took my shaking hand
To your lips
The sweetness on my skin
Turning over, again and again
Like sweetmeats
On my skin

I drank deeply
Past and future dissolve
Without leaving
Their reminiscences
And I fall into you
On bended knee
Creating a new religion
In a moment without a priest
Without a god or a prophet
To pontificate

What need have we
For religion
When the cathedral of cypress trees
Parts before our naked feet
The alabaster moon
Crashing through the gnarled branches
Finer than a thousand sparks
Of stained glass

You have my incense
On you
My baptism in you
My holy blessing
Surging with kisses and kisses
Over your olive skin

I put my sandals back on my feet
Grains of sand prick my toes
But I go naked after
To follow the moon's dance
Between the cypress
To hear a flute's seduction
Caress my hungry ears

Past and future
Have never touched me
When I carry your seed
Inside me
Having traversed
Beyond the veil
Held fast to the wind
By your breath
In my mouth

I take your heart beat
With me
As fluttering wings
Alight the tree tops
Swaying silently above

I never made a sound
In your arms
But the darkness
Gave way to the wedding candle
Dancing with ardor
Through my veils
This blood that now revives you
This bond tied tightly
Between us

You called the Light
Out of me
And I profess my completeness
Like a penitent
Walking silently in prayer
Through the swaying ages
Of cypress sentinels

Your breath in me
Still haunts my heart
Like a prayer
And my past
With you
Is ever painfully present

It Is Not For You

Clandestine patterns
Gathering behind my eyes
Summoned on the strings
Of my heart
Open, wide open
Wearing these patterns
Alive on my sleeve
But it is not for you

Tasting the clouds
Dancing across a frightened sky
Will Spring ever come
Heady on Winter's heels
My tongue finds the clouds
Sweet with rain
Dashing across
An empty looking glass
Filling my eyes
With the light of miracles
But it is not for you

Alone, behind closed doors
I open up
My heart's secured door
Laying naked
The wonders secreted there
Long ago
Specters reveal
Their secret histories
Past lives lived
Without thought for what comes
Eternally ever after

This knowledge jars me
Awakens my mind
When I am alone
But it is not for you

I caught the hot rain
On my tongue
Standing alone
In Spring's welcome beginning
You trailed behind
Each of those delicious drops
Falling

I wondered if we would ever meet again
In some future life
When the specters of your past
Could be peacefully laid to rest
But it is not for you

I became a companion
Of the sun
Shutting slowly Winter's door
Hearing the lock turn, closing
Hearing my heart turn, hardening
It has all been sealed tight
So that my mind can move
Forward
Into the light of a future
Without a past
But it is not for you

I find my bed
Warm at night
Even after the indomitable shadow
Of you
Has fallen
How quickly a looked door
Can be sprung open
By the right hand

A light creeping in
Without warning
My mind startled
Into awareness
Of a brief reckoning
But it is not for you

If I touch myself
Become awake
Between my thighs
Mt manhood becoming my master
I will unlock a door
Once unforgivingly latched
To give myself
A love not hindered
Uncomplicated
Or safely demure

I unleash
The dancing specters there
To find their homes
Again in the forgiving light
Where you have foolishly
Feared to tread

Do not worry
You are not forgotten
There is a hole in my heart
And much more flows out
Than ever flows in
But it is not for you

Icarus

Did you carry my kiss
With you?

A crown of light
Haloed your fine brow
Hard lines framing soft skin
To touch
I put my heart in
And watched my blood boil
Is there a way
Within you
To cool my wayward desire?

To love you
Is like touching a flower
Whose most beautiful petals
Fall to the ground
I take them up
One by one in my fingers
My lips poised
To catch you
As you shudder in release

How I long to be there
When you fall, like Roma fell
When you triumph
As presidents and kings triumph

But loss
Is the hard edge
Of your sword
Felt too swiftly
Before I garnished satisfaction

My eyes unwrapped you
Stripped you bare
In your glory
Like the midday sun
Captured in a glossy blue canvas
I tasted the air
Pretending it was your skin

Did you carry my embrace
With you?

You stand so proud
Commanding even the free birds
In the clouds
As you could command me
While your fear holds you back
Inflaming my desire

I reached too high
And fell back down
Into the mortal earth
Icarus became me
And I became a fool
Ensconced in my passions

The sun incinerated
My ambitious wings
Tempted my ego
For all the beautiful things
Far outside my grasp

Did you carry my mortality
With you?

I thought to become a god
So carried myself above
The mountains
Where the shifting sand
Could not burn me

A tender wind caressed me
Promising a deeper communion
I held fast to my vanity
A reflection in water
Enticing me to draw near
How hard the fall
Beneath the deceptive surface

Did you carry my ambition
With you?

I fell through the air
Cut to ribbons
On your airy tongue
Such things you say

To burn my feathers
Beyond repair
To bring my vanity
Crashing down
Heavens cannot hold me
The earth will not receive
My singed countenance

Without regret
I fall much further still
Back down into you
Of air
And my heart's desire

Emerald Canopy

Moss covered rocks and Fall leaves decorate Galina Creek Park in Reno, Nevada/ Photo by the author

I risked a walk
In the garden
Virgin fruit trees
Blushing with their first blooms
An open path
Welcoming
With desire I moved in

Beneath a canopy
Of emerald
The scent of the earth
Drew me down
Down, down
Green liquor
Assailed my senses
Mesmerized my intellect
Until I was prepared
To be taken
Fully in

When you came inside me
Beneath that emerald canopy
Satin finish, the dew
On your skin
Setting my mouth alight
Biting my yielding heart
Into submission
How I still longed
For more

I brought down
The clouds
Upon us
Moving together
Without time
Without constraints
But for your arms
Firm around me
Your body
Firm inside me
Making the dew
I would taste you
Long after your departure

Bruised fruit
Once blushing, once virgin
Moved through
Your fervent hands
So anxious
For diamond droplets
Salting your tongue
With the offering
Of my thighs

Was that a martin
Calling
Chirp, chirp
Into the Summer sky?
Or was that his laughter
My passion's follies
Brought out clear
Into the hot breath
Of the sun

I blush to think
How quickly I came
Under that emerald canopy
Where blushing petals
Held onto the morning dew
But I, Never fresh again
Never innocent, shining
My skin, decorated
With bites and kisses
Found its way back
Into seclusion

I left your garden behind
But with regret
Tried to become a virgin
Again

Ophelia

Blue Lake, outside Wendover Nevada/ Photo by the author

(For Brent, omnipresent in my heart)

If ever you leave me
I will go down to the lonely edge
Of water
Where the day and night meet
In unwatched embrace
And I too will embrace the water

My face to the sky
I see not sun
My back to the depths
No limb finds rest or rescue
My eyes open to the clouds
They see nothing beautiful
My blood settles
In my veins
There is no breath
To fuel my battered heart

I cannot breathe
When you leave the room
I hold my breath
And wish the Gods had not
Granted you free will
How terrible is freedom
And how daunting
The changes of the seasons

I warned you
Of my intemperance
Sweeping in like the blustery days
Of Fall
Covering the mountains
With a penetrating chill
This is what happens
When you leave me alone
The flame is deprived of oxygen
Lungs of breath

How I am drawn
To water
And fear cannot placate me
My greater fear is the absence
Of your flesh
Your brawny legs
Thighs built like monoliths

To be alone and strangled
Between those thighs
I would condemn my soul
To everlasting purgatory
Never fearing God's displeasure

If you ever leave me
I will go down
To the very bottom
And never come up again
For air
And when they find
My body
Wet and disheveled
And without life
They will say that in the end
I could not be deprived
Of your life in my lover's veins

Take Your Sacrifices

The flooded plains of the Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah at sunset/ Photo by the author

I would have your hands
Be rough with me
But your heart be soft

Dreaming of your body
Covering me
Like the newly fallen dew

I am wet
Carried away
The soft parts of my form
Tempted to ripen before
Your eyes

Sent down
I fill my mouth
With the elixr
From which my life
Came forth

I would have your mind
Be empty
And your hands
Be full
Of me
But when you have taken
your fill
I would have
Your consciousness
Imbued with my scent

Overwrought with the moment
Of me
So you can never sleep again

I would have you
Inside me
The tender part of me
Filled with the inflamed mind
Of you
Stirring, the world fills
With iridescent droplets
Of life
I too am filled
Never wanting to be redeemed

god, what use for you have I now?
You jealous, angry and posessive
Monster of the ages
Take your sacrifices
And fall on your knees
Before my love 

For love
The greatest of these treasures
Is greater still than you

A sapphire lake shone forth
Like the sky
A jewel whose light the Gods envied
But how I envy him too
The sky that took you

Ever empty
Yet full in the spectral lights
The sky beneath which we make love
Makes love to the earth
When we have departed

Unobstructed
My heart sits still
In your monolithic embrace
Fixed firm on your love
I am liberated
From the temporary nature
Of mortality
Respectibility
Which hinders creation
Strangles the ages
With shackles for the mind

I am free now
Swimming in the lake of you
Where you once swam
In the embrace of so many lovers
But now, the seed that sewed you
Has sewn a promise in me
And let that god be jealous
Commanding
Vengeful

I shall make him bow
In awe of a greater love
Whose name knows no chains
Whose passion can never be bound

The greatest of these gifts
Is love
Where stirs in its lonely cage
A heart on fire and liberated

Come take your sacrifices
On the distant shore
And while you are there
O god
Bother never to return

Flight of the Jabiru

(To S, for the sake of remembrance)

The Sun has been swallowed
Like a ripe mandrake
Intoxicating the tongue
Of the Sun-God
To sleep
His heaven, His veil, His firmament
Glowing defiantly
Harboring the wings of spirits
Going down, going down

I never feared
The flight of jabirus
Whose winged grace
Signals the death throes
Of the sun
His kingdom, once on fire
With liquid gold
Cools my breath
A heavy, drowsy curtain
As the wings of spirits
Go down, go down

Did you hear
The flight of the jabirus?
Their wings disturbed
My placid countenance
Rippling like the waters of a mill-pond
Stirring, casting doubt on permanence

I waded in after them
Those ripples of wet blue
An azure mirror of the sky
Flaring above
But the shadows of their wings
Gave my heart notice
That you were gone
Gone, all gone now

A lonely torch burns
As the sun retreats
In a torrent of red, orange
And sanguine illumination
My heart stopped
When it saw that you had stopped
Gone down, down, down

This is what wise men say
Happens to us all
Even in the flush of youth
Sensual, carnal ecstasy

Lovers exhaust love
Climaxes leave tingling skin
Wanting more
Hearts left alone
In the startling sunset
Pine still for more light
Your promises made
In the heat of the moment
Now whisper and die
Away, away, away

I could not halt
The flight of the jabiru
Those Souls in light-dappled plumage
So I brought a candle
To illuminate your grave
And tears gave renewed life
To the hot desert sand
Flickering, flickering, flickering

The sunset called your name
My heart, still in love
Could not help but to listen
Listen, listen

I let them carry you away
Enfolded by wings
Whose tips had stirred
The Imperishable Stars
A host of spirits
To make light the path
Once trodden by darkness

Darkness, you let in light
Light, you kiss the darkness
And make love to twilight
Even as Mother Heaven swallows
The golden flesh of the sun

I cannot call you back
From your lofty flight
The jabiru comes and departs
Again through the western passage
All of the things I have loved
Have been removed
With those elegant wings
Softer to you now
Than the kiss of my bed
Naked and charged with youth

I call to the West
Waiting for your return
Like the face of the rosy sun
Bursting in blood and fire
Between the legs of Mother Heaven

They make their flight
Signalling the departure
Of all cherished things
Coming and going
Coming again and going again
Through the endless
Passage of the night