I Never Found the River

Sunrise found me out
Languishing on the river bank
Where the sound of peacocks
And self-important finches
Dipped and darted over
My ears

Have you ever watched
The sunrise
Over the river
Rushing by
Tasting your feet
Bringing immortality
To bear on the present
Moment

I meant to go down
To the riverbank I knew
Expecting to find
Molten gold
Dancing to and fro
On the tips of sapphire ripples
Splashes of diamonds
Waiting for me
To take extravagance
On my tongue

But I was halted
Breathless in my tracks
By the sight of your
Fresh body
Wet and naked
Though clothed in the
Eternal sky

I could not speak
To the busy finches
And their arrogant kin
Weaving their industry
Like a tapestry of lapis
And gold about you

Muscles firm and tight
Loins slightly apart
Rich in the treasure of manhood
For my prying eyes
A peacock soaked in the envious sky
Whose azure beauty
By evening fades
Behind the dusky groves

Mangoes weighing down
A heavy branch
Lusty and sweet
I dream of plucking them
With my mouth
As I watch you
Dip and rise, dip and rise

Your skin alive
With millions of diamonds
My eyes devour you
Dark and becoming
The sun adores every curve
And sends the wind
Back where it came from

Somewhere in the distance
A sitar strikes
A haunting melody
While the water at your feet
Pays homage to an earthly beauty

My tongue between my teeth
Hungers for those mangoes
A branch to grasp
From a fertile tree
Beneath him
I could compose a melody
To carry my desire
Down through the ages

Such lofty sentiments
Fade as the sky fades
As the shadow of timeless mountains
Flickers over the earth
All gone so fast
But what remains?

I hold on
To this moment
Longing to savor the taste
Of mangoes
With the sunset
To wet my skin
With the libations
Of your naked youth

Invigorated
Never chaste
My thoughts run away
With that river
Those ambitious little birds
Those million diamonds
Shattering over your torso

How many hours
Did I give away
Waiting breathless
In the shadows
Thinking all the while
Of everything I could take
With my starving fingers

My lips never coaxed
The nectar
From a heavy mango
My toes never kissed
The eternal water
And I never found the river

You Called the Light Out of Me

You called the Light
Out of me
When by night
I passed in silence
The forlorn sentinels
Of cypress trees
Standing as guardians
Of a past
Still painfully present

I needed a voice
To guide me
Through the snags
Of branches, thorns
Holes in my heart

I clutched your words
Savored the flavor
Of unspoken desires
Watching the flicker
Of light dancing
In your eyes

Can the heart
Live again
Once buried and gagged
By the past?
To be young again
Fresh
Wrapped in silk
Within the cocoon
Of your body
The fragrance of the future
Heady between your legs

I waded through torrents
Falling from the sky
To stand beside you
In the tender moonlight
Without faltering
You took my shaking hand
To your lips
The sweetness on my skin
Turning over, again and again
Like sweetmeats
On my skin

I drank deeply
Past and future dissolve
Without leaving
Their reminiscences
And I fall into you
On bended knee
Creating a new religion
In a moment without a priest
Without a god or a prophet
To pontificate

What need have we
For religion
When the cathedral of cypress trees
Parts before our naked feet
The alabaster moon
Crashing through the gnarled branches
Finer than a thousand sparks
Of stained glass

You have my incense
On you
My baptism in you
My holy blessing
Surging with kisses and kisses
Over your olive skin

I put my sandals back on my feet
Grains of sand prick my toes
But I go naked after
To follow the moon's dance
Between the cypress
To hear a flute's seduction
Caress my hungry ears

Past and future
Have never touched me
When I carry your seed
Inside me
Having traversed
Beyond the veil
Held fast to the wind
By your breath
In my mouth

I take your heart beat
With me
As fluttering wings
Alight the tree tops
Swaying silently above

I never made a sound
In your arms
But the darkness
Gave way to the wedding candle
Dancing with ardor
Through my veils
This blood that now revives you
This bond tied tightly
Between us

You called the Light
Out of me
And I profess my completeness
Like a penitent
Walking silently in prayer
Through the swaying ages
Of cypress sentinels

Your breath in me
Still haunts my heart
Like a prayer
And my past
With you
Is ever painfully present

It Is Not For You

Clandestine patterns
Gathering behind my eyes
Summoned on the strings
Of my heart
Open, wide open
Wearing these patterns
Alive on my sleeve
But it is not for you

Tasting the clouds
Dancing across a frightened sky
Will Spring ever come
Heady on Winter's heels
My tongue finds the clouds
Sweet with rain
Dashing across
An empty looking glass
Filling my eyes
With the light of miracles
But it is not for you

Alone, behind closed doors
I open up
My heart's secured door
Laying naked
The wonders secreted there
Long ago
Specters reveal
Their secret histories
Past lives lived
Without thought for what comes
Eternally ever after

This knowledge jars me
Awakens my mind
When I am alone
But it is not for you

I caught the hot rain
On my tongue
Standing alone
In Spring's welcome beginning
You trailed behind
Each of those delicious drops
Falling

I wondered if we would ever meet again
In some future life
When the specters of your past
Could be peacefully laid to rest
But it is not for you

I became a companion
Of the sun
Shutting slowly Winter's door
Hearing the lock turn, closing
Hearing my heart turn, hardening
It has all been sealed tight
So that my mind can move
Forward
Into the light of a future
Without a past
But it is not for you

I find my bed
Warm at night
Even after the indomitable shadow
Of you
Has fallen
How quickly a looked door
Can be sprung open
By the right hand

A light creeping in
Without warning
My mind startled
Into awareness
Of a brief reckoning
But it is not for you

If I touch myself
Become awake
Between my thighs
Mt manhood becoming my master
I will unlock a door
Once unforgivingly latched
To give myself
A love not hindered
Uncomplicated
Or safely demure

I unleash
The dancing specters there
To find their homes
Again in the forgiving light
Where you have foolishly
Feared to tread

Do not worry
You are not forgotten
There is a hole in my heart
And much more flows out
Than ever flows in
But it is not for you

Khamsin/ Lost In the Afterlife

I rise yet again
From the trappings holding me
From the coffin of the sky
My womb in the hallowed earth
Covering me with the pale light
Of the Ancients, the stars
Of the moon, the diadem
Of the heavenly vault
I rise
Having fallen, I rise
And where were you?

Left alone
In the dry soil
What bed would I need
What comfort could the ground give
With flowers now wilted
Left for dead
I was, I am
Coming into myself again
Watched over by the tender sky
My mother, conceiving again
Giving birth to me, again
As a star, an Ancestor
A descendant of the Milky Way
And who were you?

Hearing the early morning music
A caravan treading
On the shifting sands
Lonely yet crowded
Time watched them slip by
As it all slips by
These ephemeral things
My heart desired to take
And where were we?

We held hands in a moment
Already lost to us
To the temporary dunes
Playthings of the khamsin-winds
Angry, like the Gods
Giving pleasure, like the Gods
But for a fragile time
Gone again, but left
To the treasury of my memory
And where are you now?

Pale, fading
As the wash of stars
Paints the dunes
With timid color
I see the spirit of you
Appearing for the spirit of me
Only to ourselves
Are we a reality
Immortal like the Gods
Standing against time
As the living go on their way
Without us

We cannot consummate
Our vows
Nor halt the shifting dunes
From their destiny
In the tempestuous wind
The khamsin speaks to me
Like the thunder
Of my heart
Beating hard
Breathing the empty air
Over the desert
Where life is ephemeral
As twilight
And where were we then?

Free, my mind
From all of their constraints
Inhibited are they
From the fullness of my love
Clinging only to one
Their eyes could never behold
My many and generous reflections
For I have a manifold heart

One in the earth
One in the heavens
One for the sand between your toes
One for the burning plains
Where no thing grows
For want of sacred water
One for the sun, unforgiving
One for the moon, my lover in the shadows
One for every star, woven amongst the Imperishables
One for the flesh, longing
One for the voice, singing a song
For those who have gone before us
One for your thighs, open
Like sunbeams shattering over the sands
One for the Gods, all living in my veins
And how many do you have now?

I rise again
Forgetting the fall
Tasting freedom
Which is limitless experience
In the heart
Unencumbered by ephemeral conditions
These are the trappings that bind us
Here on earth
But these I have transcended
And shown the many colors
That shine from the mirror
Of my heart

Conscience, you are not bound
To this earth
Not bound to one
But married to many
Your freedom comes
After you have let go
Relinquishing the need to possess

Having fallen in you
I rise
My earth, my heaven
Reunited with them all
I have found at long last
The place where you are

Spell For Summoning the Wind

Sky, I am married to you
Coming as lover and lord
My direction becomes your direction
To change at a whim, my whim

As I am the creator of all
That ails you
Am the cure, the cause
And the remedy
Of your storms
Seeking a peaceful cove
To shatter upon its stalwart rocks
With your terror from the deep

Do not hold back
Or hesitate to tear open
The sky
Where the gold-crowned sun
Once reigned

You now are sovereign master
Like my heart, a master
Over those who oppose
My desire

I inspire the rages of love
And pangs of heartache
From separation
My heart calling
Demanding recompense

I am the four-winged one
Standing above
An eagle's wings and talons
My fierce attributes
From which resistance
Shrinks fast

I crown mountains
All you peaks kissed by
The purple night
Cracking at my command
Bowing to the rule
Of my hot heart

Wind, I am coupled with you
Coming as your lover and climax
Wet, wrapped in the fragrant dew
That precedes the dawn

My coming has been foretold to you
My body intertwined with
Your invisible nature
I dazzle the flesh
And inspire terror in the heart

Let me become your whirls and swoops
Hissing through the lonely landscape
Where history predominates
 

Beyond the Beyond

The desert plains and mountains surrounding West Wendover, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Take my body
Alone with you
Into the empty spaces
Beyond life

I hear this calling
To my heart
From beyond the beyond
Where shadows and specters
Haunt time
Passing the hours and days
Without even a spell of light

Take my broken body
Alone with you
Awakened by your arms
That life may abide once more
In this sculpture
Of flesh and blood
What artist could have dreamed
Of my colors and textures?

Somewhere beyond the beyond
I will be renewed
In another form surpassing
All the ephemeral forms
I have ever taken

Will you remember me
As I once was
Naked and wet
Hugging your skin tight?
Or will my new body
Carry you away
Into new memories
Of skin, flesh and heart
Never had before?

Take my willing body
Down with you
Into the depths
Far beyond the temporary
Garments
Clinging to all
These beautiful people
Holding on tight
To what inevitably flees them

I do not cling to them
But put my trust
In the steadfast presence
Sheltering me in you

I touch the sky
Before I fade
But only to the eyes
Of little men
Who fall when their beauty
Falls
Who lose hope when
Their wealth loses vigor

I have never put faith
In these disintegrating things
Whose reflections, like a mirror,
Change and disappear with time

But your face remains
Constant in my gaze
Striking like a sunset
Reflected crimson and gold
Across scintillating waters
The light finds my eyes
Filling them with life
Cascading from your fire

My heart finds solace
Where your footfall
Draws ever near
Removing the shadow of doubt
Plaguing my reason

What reason is there in love?
What logic can follow
Such folly as that?

To believe in a beyond
The beyond
A life coming into being
From the seed of death

Such is the inspiration
You light
With the fire
Of your constant body
That an eternal beyond
Seems logical
Defeats all illusion
Calls me down
Into the luxury of your arms

Take my body
Alone with you
Before their reason
Descends to tear us apart
Their 'God', I promise you,
Is an idol our love has
Thrown out
And our light has replaced 'Him'
As a beacon of the heart
Beyond the beyond

Beyond 'His' chains
Beyond 'His' jealous possessions
Beyond 'His' inscriptions
And injunctions
We embrace the embrace
Beyond the body that
Disintegrates

Take my body
Never alone, with you
Deep down into the empty spaces
Where there is a voice
For love
Speaking powerfully
Within the silence
Beyond  

Emerald Canopy

Moss covered rocks and Fall leaves decorate Galina Creek Park in Reno, Nevada/ Photo by the author

I risked a walk
In the garden
Virgin fruit trees
Blushing with their first blooms
An open path
Welcoming
With desire I moved in

Beneath a canopy
Of emerald
The scent of the earth
Drew me down
Down, down
Green liquor
Assailed my senses
Mesmerized my intellect
Until I was prepared
To be taken
Fully in

When you came inside me
Beneath that emerald canopy
Satin finish, the dew
On your skin
Setting my mouth alight
Biting my yielding heart
Into submission
How I still longed
For more

I brought down
The clouds
Upon us
Moving together
Without time
Without constraints
But for your arms
Firm around me
Your body
Firm inside me
Making the dew
I would taste you
Long after your departure

Bruised fruit
Once blushing, once virgin
Moved through
Your fervent hands
So anxious
For diamond droplets
Salting your tongue
With the offering
Of my thighs

Was that a martin
Calling
Chirp, chirp
Into the Summer sky?
Or was that his laughter
My passion's follies
Brought out clear
Into the hot breath
Of the sun

I blush to think
How quickly I came
Under that emerald canopy
Where blushing petals
Held onto the morning dew
But I, Never fresh again
Never innocent, shining
My skin, decorated
With bites and kisses
Found its way back
Into seclusion

I left your garden behind
But with regret
Tried to become a virgin
Again

Flight of the Jabiru

(To S, for the sake of remembrance)

The Sun has been swallowed
Like a ripe mandrake
Intoxicating the tongue
Of the Sun-God
To sleep
His heaven, His veil, His firmament
Glowing defiantly
Harboring the wings of spirits
Going down, going down

I never feared
The flight of jabirus
Whose winged grace
Signals the death throes
Of the sun
His kingdom, once on fire
With liquid gold
Cools my breath
A heavy, drowsy curtain
As the wings of spirits
Go down, go down

Did you hear
The flight of the jabirus?
Their wings disturbed
My placid countenance
Rippling like the waters of a mill-pond
Stirring, casting doubt on permanence

I waded in after them
Those ripples of wet blue
An azure mirror of the sky
Flaring above
But the shadows of their wings
Gave my heart notice
That you were gone
Gone, all gone now

A lonely torch burns
As the sun retreats
In a torrent of red, orange
And sanguine illumination
My heart stopped
When it saw that you had stopped
Gone down, down, down

This is what wise men say
Happens to us all
Even in the flush of youth
Sensual, carnal ecstasy

Lovers exhaust love
Climaxes leave tingling skin
Wanting more
Hearts left alone
In the startling sunset
Pine still for more light
Your promises made
In the heat of the moment
Now whisper and die
Away, away, away

I could not halt
The flight of the jabiru
Those Souls in light-dappled plumage
So I brought a candle
To illuminate your grave
And tears gave renewed life
To the hot desert sand
Flickering, flickering, flickering

The sunset called your name
My heart, still in love
Could not help but to listen
Listen, listen

I let them carry you away
Enfolded by wings
Whose tips had stirred
The Imperishable Stars
A host of spirits
To make light the path
Once trodden by darkness

Darkness, you let in light
Light, you kiss the darkness
And make love to twilight
Even as Mother Heaven swallows
The golden flesh of the sun

I cannot call you back
From your lofty flight
The jabiru comes and departs
Again through the western passage
All of the things I have loved
Have been removed
With those elegant wings
Softer to you now
Than the kiss of my bed
Naked and charged with youth

I call to the West
Waiting for your return
Like the face of the rosy sun
Bursting in blood and fire
Between the legs of Mother Heaven

They make their flight
Signalling the departure
Of all cherished things
Coming and going
Coming again and going again
Through the endless
Passage of the night