Virgin

(for Brent, always)

I am not ashamed
To write a b-movie poem
In memory of the best gift
A man could ever give me

Let them squirm,
While the best part of me
Twitches in satisfaction

I had taken many men
When I first had you
You had had none

So jealous was your skin
Of what it had never tasted

Your mighty masculine thighs,
Your generous, yielding backside
Wanted me inside you
So jealous of my cock
Was your untouched rosebud,
Winking with lust
As the tip of my tongue
Praised you

Round buttock makes even the
Dazzling moon blush with envy
The heady scent of your perspiration
On my chest

To take, to have all to myself
This one first moment
When you became a man
With a man
Becoming a man all over again

I can make you wet
Before I make you wet
First with my tongue,
And then with my manhood
As I give up my seed
To your frantic grasp

I had your cherry rosebud
By my lips
My tongue could never get enough
But you had never been had before

How I tried to be a gentleman,
To delay the moment
Savor slowly your first time
In love with another man

Your heart inspired me
Your hands guided me,
Bringing my eager shaft
Home to its pink and wam
Heaven

Fast, faster, even faster still
You breathlessly held me tight
As I tried to hold back
From breaking you open so soon
As the night sky fell prey
To the hungry morning sun

Alive inside you
My manhood swells
Against your blushing treasure
You take it all
With lips teasing my lips
With teeth biting my salty neck

You left me as late as you could,
Though still too early,
Too starving for more

No matter how many times
I have you,
Taste you, warm my manhood
In your soft fire,
I will never have your innocence 
Again for the first time

You will never again
And only for me
Be a virgin.

Return of the Sanguine Swallow

A dramatic pastel sunset over the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah/ Photo by the author

Twilight breathes softly,
The caress of purple and rich azure blue.
Silently, I wait for you,
Beneath trees in which doves nest,
Beneath the lamp of moon's light
Dappling a path with alabaster glory.

How many times, how many lives?
The power of form and flesh alive
On my fingertips.

I will gladly wait, wait, wait
For the return of the sanguine swallow,
Whose home in lonely trees becomes
The residence of my soul.

Why wait, wait, wait
When the moon, my lover, is so
Generous, and my naked skin
Glistens with the kiss of the morning
Dew.

Piety

Read this
Press my words
To your lips
That you might hold me
Even for a fleeting moment
With your wet breath
The heat of your life

I wish to take
Not more
Than I deserve
If only
For a fleeting hour
An urgent time
Well spent
How could you
Deny me?

Take me
All of my words
Inside you, softly
Your hot lips
Touch passages, descriptions
Vows of my fidelity
All departed
When love is spent

If the Gods allow
My hard won touches
To last but for a lifetime
I will relinquish
My regrets
My sins
My misgivings
And give all to you
When your lips
Use words
To create a prayer
From my name

Yesterday

The lonely "floating island" of the Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah after nightfall/ Photo by the author

Solace you deserted me
When I saw his navel
Rising and falling softly
As he slept in disheveled sheets

How impossible to sleep
When my eyes are full
Of his muscular thighs
Spent from a night's
Passionate exertions

Fulfilled but never sated
Ever divine his naked
Ankles beckon

To travel with my exhausted eyes
The length of bronze loins,
Their sweat so cool to the touch
The throbbing in my mind
Far too much to resist

Companion for the night
I despair of letting you go
When the world reminds you
That yesterday I did not exist

Everyone’s Butterfly: A Poetic Tribute to Lady Loreon Vigne

The Rt. Reverend Loreon Vigne, Arch Priestess of Isis, 1932-2014/ Photo by the author

Twilights come and nightshades fall,
The sky receives the raven’s call.
The blush of youth,
Burning in the morning’s light,
Matures as unfolds the heavy
Blanket of night.

All that ends begins again,
When morning returns
To let the light back in.

Sparkle, pulse, shine and glimmer,
Even at dusk when the lights
Grow dimmer.

The timid moth awaits her time,
With endeavor and faith she weaves.
To and fro, a home she does grow,
In damp green Earth and leaves.

A crow’s call pierces the starry night,
Beneath round face of alabaster light.
The rooster springs
When blue bird sings,
Another dawn, with life it brings.

The moth, so timid, whose colors wait to shine,
Prepares to disappear
Within the cocoon of time.

Gilded sun and silver moon,
Your lights they fade, like life,
Too soon.
But they come again, with the dawn,
Pulse and glimmer,
With fire and passion,
The colors they shimmer.

Whisper, shelter, gentle home,
She has hidden a secret
That blossoms alone.
Through nights of flaxen stars,
Days of burning color,
She transforms nature’s mettle to a form
Like no other.

Alone, inspiration grows,
But dazzles when colors reveal
What once hid a secret,
Has become open and real.

A lark on high heralds dawn’s reign,
The burst of new life
Awakens again.

Tears, sorrow and strife
Recede as the tides,
And timid cocoon bursts
With colors that fly.

Our star, our love, our golden wings flashing,
In time have risen,
Over seas and tides crashing.

Though twilights return,
And nightshades are drawn,
Always sings the triumphant sun,
Forever comes the dawn.

Lavender, purple, royal and free,
Your cocoon has revealed a secret in me!

That love is renewed
And eternal, it grows.
It sprouts its wings,
And nobody knows
When a soul shall be born
Or spring free in the sky,
For you, little moth, have become
Everyone’s butterfly.

Coming to Tara, Mother of the Buddhas: A Meditation & Prayer for Spiritual and Ecological Wholeness

Our Purpose
In times of doubt and need, in times of crisis we reach for that which will bring us immediate relief from our suffering. When we cut a finger we look for a bandage. When we fracture a bone we place it in a cast. When our heart is broken we look for a way to put it back together again…we seek wholeness again…we find a way to close the wound and find our resilient emotional faculties.

All living things desire, above all, happiness, life and freedom, to exist without suffering and hindrances…to be permitted to thrive of their own accord. Each one of us travels in our own boat, gliding along the waters of experience according to our own inner guidance or knowledge. We eventually seek to land on the shore, however briefly, of a fulfilled and nourished life, a true meaning…gnosis…of our journey clearly inscribed upon our heart. So much of our suffering is self induced, self inflicted by our refusal to acknowledge the deeper, innermost workings of our hearts and minds. Gnosis emerges when we take the time to stop our furious travels on the waters, dig through the layers of the untamed mind, and return to the pure state of a consciousness that does not cling, grasp or fixate on our emotional baggage.

”All that we call real in this transient world is a hologram”, Olivia Robertson reminds us (in “Isis is For All”, Isis-House Publishing, 2011), “deliberately created to teach us to become our true selves. Our souls are born of Deity, and we have within us an individual Divine Being”. In other words, we have created an alternate reality in our daily lives, and we hold fast onto this as if it were substantial, and yet it is but a fleeting moment of time in the life cycle of the soul, and it is this Soul, part of the Great Soul, Deity, Divine Consciousness, that is the true reality of which all things are composed. Our suffering? Suffering arises because of our obsession with our alternative reality…our physical and earthly existence. But it is our ethereal existence, born from the realm of Spirit, that holds the ultimate meaning of reality.

If we can, but for little moments at a time, take ourselves back into the womb of our beginning, into the realm of Spirit…the realm of the Infinite Soul, Deity…then we can bring back with us some of that consciousness and experience into our physical, terrestrial lives. We can enliven the here and now with the nurturing, healing, compassion and wholeness not fixed in time or space, nor bound by our mortality. Truly, we are immortal beings. Death, suffering, limitations and ignorance are illusions that can be overcome, but only through our sincere effort to peel away our own self imposed fetters. In order to do this, we reach out to Mother, to our place of beginnings in the liquid warmth of the Mother’s womb.

Târâ Drölma, Liberator
Tibetans have many names for Mother Tara, Who is ever and always the compassionate, all-embracing reality from which transcendence emerges, and ills subside. Within the milk of kindness Dölma, the Liberator, sublime Tara takes Her ethereal seat upon the lotus throne, and from Her hand springs the blue or white lotus, the hallmark of the mind of enlightenment.

Tibetans tell the story of the princess Sherab Drölma, whose determination to end the suffering of all beings transformed her into a Bodhisattva, a being whose compassion commits her or him to take rebirth until the liberation of all sentient beings from the cycle of suffering and perpetual birth. From Bodhisattva, Tara Dölma emerged, reaching out to answer the prayers of all who call upon Her. With the immediacy of a mother who hears the crying of her very own child, noble Tara responds swiftly to the call of all sentient beings, prepared to shower them with Her flowering mercy.

It is also said that Tara began as the emanation of Avalokiteshvara-Chenrezig, the Buddha of Compassion, being born from his tears as he looked upon the innumerable suffering beings under his care, and despaired of ever liberating them all. It was Tara who sprang forth in such unwavering compassion and determination, infused with a limitless and undaunted reservoir of altruism.

Although there are twenty-one manifestations of Tara Dölma, each with unique characteristics and iconography, it is the White and Green Taras who are especially venerated by the people of the Land of Snows (Tibet) as the liberators and protectors of all suffering beings. These are the Taras Who grant boons freely, defend against ecological crises (such as earthquakes and fires), and manifest to practitioners as the removers of obstacles to the mind of enlightenment. The White and Green Taras can diminish hatred, greed and pride, and urge the practitioner towards the complete development of compassion and altruism.

The Meditation & Prayer, Coming to Tara
What follows is my own inspired composition- meditation and prayer- while meditating upon the root mantra of Tara, and contemplating the great ecological suffering being experienced by our planet at this time. Not only ecological, but social suffering and want continues to urge action and demand higher consciousness. While we continue to consume our natural resources on a vast scale, our population explodes without regard to the gross taxation this imposes on our Earth, and our hunger grows. Each group fights for its own interests- personal and ideological- while denying the human rights and needs of “the other”. Governments impose measures that seem to restrict and hinder, instead of liberate or serve. Each heart seems possessed by personal desire and self preservation. How can we work with these tempestuous feelings as they arise within ourselves?

On Thursday June 29, 2000 I was first initiated into the practice of the White and Green Taras, with His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama of Tibet acting as Root Guru. The Dalai Lama guided us through an astonishing visualization to enter into the presence of the twenty-one emanations of Tara Drölma, ending in the White and Green Taras, with particular emphasis on generating the mind of enlightenment in order to bring liberation to all sentient beings.

Within a shower of rainbow colored light, noble Tara appeared as the radiant heart of compassion, which begins with the self but quickly expands to encompass all sentient beings. As the body of White Tara expands, emerging from the blast of a pure white conch shell, we see the Goddess erect on Her lotus throne, the embodiment of victory over obstacles, while Her hands gracefully raise the white and blue lotus. Her face shines with the luminescence of a lamp, golden and jewel-toned, which is the lamp of Dharma, the Truth, the Universal Law. Kindness, compassion and care for all beings is resident in the level of the third eye, making its application universal, not solely personal. For the suffering of one is the burden of all, Tara tells us. She causes us to awaken to the hunger of others, who starve for tenderness and mercy, not only material gain.

From the crown of Tara- ornamented with a bejeweled diadem and pristine black locks- a nimbus or halo of rainbow light pierces through the veil of blue-black darkness, and within the heart the sound OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SVAHA bursts again and again, as a seed taking root in consciousness and multiplying rapidly like a tree of great shade. In this moment we ourselves become a beautiful vessel of lustral water, pure and sweet nectar, pouring out for the thirst of all sentient beings. Selfishness dissolves, and concern for others becomes the focus of our condition.

We realize all at once that the garments of Tara shimmer with a rich panoply of green, red and gold threads, iridescent, and floating like clouds passing softly through an azure sky. Again the thunder of a pure white conch sounds from all around, and this time the syllables OM AH HUM proliferate within the heart, again and again. Body (OM) speech (AH) and mind (HUM) are purified of selfishness, greed and anger, and the altruistic mind is generated for the welfare of all sentient beings. The Earth and its ills are given over to the lap of Tara, who becomes the Liberator, the Savioress of invincible mercy…the Mother of the Buddhas.

Feeling the qualities of compassion, altruism and determination arise, the heart maintains the syllables OM AH HUM, while the mind generates the root mantra of noble Tara, saying OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SVAHA. With each recitation, the mind becomes saturated with the compassion that encompasses all sentient beings, beginning with the self and extending outwards. Having gathered courage, determination and wisdom from the emanation of Tara, one is firmly rooted in the desire to liberate all beings from the fetters of suffering. The boundless compassion of Mother Tara, Liberator of all creatures, becomes my compassion, our compassion…shared by one, shared by all.

In accomplishing this practice, we will begin with the lighting of two candles, one White, given over to the honor of White Tara (Dolma Karpo or Sitatara, Who embodies purification and protection), and the other green, committed to the care of Green Tara (Who removes obstacles to the path of spiritual awakening). We will also offer incense (sandalwood, if available) and a bowl of pure water to the deity. Our prayers should be spoken aloud and with conviction, for in conviction we are determined to receive and offer the great compassion of Mother Tara on behalf of all sentient beings. Our determination flowers from a heart yearning to relieve the suffering of each living creature…each plant, animal and human…but also the waters, which surround and nourish, and make all life possible.

Having gratitude for all my teachers and peers, I have placed a few verses at the beginning of this prayer to honor (and petition) His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama, since it was he who initiated me into the White and Green Taras, and has so generously bestowed upon me his kindness and wisdom.

To Lady Olivia Robertson, co-founder of the Fellowship of Isis, I also pay my love and gratitude for her endless gifts, and gentle tutelage. May she be blessed and cherished, ever with us, ever within our love for the Goddess.

OM AH HUM
In the sacred land surrounded by snow mountains,
You are the source of all benefit and happiness,
O Powerful Chenrezig, Tenzin Gyatso,
Remain in this world until samsara ends!

OM AH HUM
(A green candle is lit in the presence of Green Tara. A white candle is lit in the presence of White Tara)
O garland of virtues, pristine body of all Dharma,
Your radiance shines as a lamp of undiminished,
Refined light, where no doubt can remain!
Enthused with compassion you light the way
For the weary, where the blessedness of hope
Dispels the demons- selfishness, anger and greed.
O blessed Tara of innumerable virtues,
Shine your light from within my heart,
And fashion from my mind a jewel of
Diamond-hard resilience!

OM AH HUM
(Incense is offered to the Goddess Tara)
I offer all virtues to the sky
Like the pure white smoke billowing forth
As the noble Wind-Horse,
Carrying the precious teachings of
The noble lineages,
Paying homage to the Buddhas and the
Indestructible Dharma that is perfect truth.

OM AH HUM
A conch shell, pure white,
Blasts from the Land of Snows,
Heralding virtue of mind, body and speech-
Known to the four directions as wisdom,
Compassion and skillful means.
The Gods appear in rainbow light,
Beaming from the pristine forehead of
Drölma, the Liberator, Mother of all
Buddhas, Whose perfections embrace
The earth and purify its ailments.
This is accomplished through the
Endless compassion of the Bodhisattvas!

O Drölma, Precious Mother,
Emanated from the tears of Chenrezig,
Your crown pierces the suffering of all
Realms with the Three Jewels, in which
We go for refuge.
To the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha we
Commit our prayers, purifying the ills of
The earth and its people.
(An offering of pure water is poured out for the Goddess Tara)

OM AH HUM
May the mercy of your heart prevail.
May the insurmountable wisdom of
The Dharma, the Supreme Truth,
Manifest awareness and generate
The Mind of Enlightenment.
O lamp of seven eyes, your vision
Pierces the heart like the thunder of
A conch shell, whose beauteous melody
Diminishes delusion and clarifies the
Mind for Enlightenment.

O Compassionate One,
We pray for the ills of the earth,
Seeking the compassion of the Buddhas
Of the four directions!
The ills I have cultivated I hand over
Into the care of merciful Drölma,
Beseeching wisdom and engendering
Loving kindness.

(water is flicked or sprinkled in the presence of the Goddess Tara)
OM AH HUM
To the waters I bestow the purity of my
Intention.
To the creatures of the land I bear the
Will of preservation, harming none
And seeking only to do good.
To all sentient beings I proffer the
Three virtues of charity, mercy and love.
From the sweet and light-emitting lotus
Of compassion do all aspirations rise,
And the Mind of Enlightenment, which
Flourishes with the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas,
Becomes the root of my life.
OM AH HUM

Recitation of the Mantra of White Tara
Om Tare Tuttare Ture Mama Ayuh Punya Jñana Pustim Kuru Svaha

Recitation of the Mantra of Green Tara
Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svaha

Dying Venus

A stunning Winter sunset on the Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah/ Photo by the author

Molten, electric light
Seizes my thighs
My mind's eye taken by
Dark firmament
Pierced through by gilded
Storm
Wanting, wanting, wanting

Venus rises high
Such sheer power
Holds tight
My breath, my skin,
The blood traveling hard
The course my veins
Dictate
Rising, rising, rising

Lapis vault grasping
Bruised crescent moon
Where stars paint the light
Absorbed by sensuous curves
Below
How I want inside, inside inside

I take the gold you offer
So generously from the clouds
Moving in, grasped by an anxious moment
Even the sky can be afraid
When the certainty of light is
Obscured in the moment
How far I am behind, behind, behind

Timid blue, shattered by the passion
Of the dying sun
How quickly he gives up his glory
How certainly his light fades

But you
My night sky, my ethereal grave
Without effort hold me fast
In your embrace
When the sun has failed me
When all my life has drained
Away, away, away

A Ripple On Water

A dramatic sunset over the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Stirred my heart into action
Waking the dead
Held fast in my veins, my blood

Where did you find me
When I hid beneath the surface?
How did I taste
Soft, pink, hot and warm in your hands
Your hard body like a Michelangelo sculpture

How did the sky look
When it fell
Into your lap, when the salt of your skin
Freed me
Fed me
Aroused my heart from beyond the veil

Blue, purple and red
Your blood pumps so fast
Your manhood so hard
Can I taste it all?

Back into the water
I will take the sun with me
When I go
And never again will I feel
Your heartbeat
Being born again, dying
As you fall so helplessly
In love

Cruel Apollo

Purple desert sunset in West Wendover, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Removed from the light
Captivated by Hades
As if the dawn had never mattered

Long life?
What need have I for you
When in a single night
I can learn what God has
Never spoken
And surpass heaven
Inside his mortality

Purple cloak where stars fade
Where fall the noble lights
Cast millions of years ago
Wet, again and again
You come inside me
And light is swallowed by
The midnight sun

Cruel Apollo
To have taken my innocence
So quickly
Leaving your seed behind
As a signal for the end

Bring me closer to the edge
Of the world
Where life has no beginning
Without the end in your abyss

Have You Seen the Desert of My Heart?

The desert mountains surrounding West Wendover, Nevada/ Photo by the author

What true love can bring
Have you seen the desert of my heart?
Where I have kept virgin and pure 
The quintessence
Of my longing

To be renewed in your
Arms,
To be redeemed by your
Fervent kisses,
The bite of your flesh,
And the longing in
Your eyes.

But you have never
Thirsted for me,
Crossed the lonely and
Burning sands for me,
Sacrificed your religion
For me,
Renounced your false God
For me.

The sun takes me
The sand alone makes love
To me
The wind sings songs,
Makes love,
Only to me.

Have you seen the desert of my heart,
Where the Gods long for water...
Where all men come to die

All I Ever Need To Know Of Rainbows

A rainbow through the Jeffrey Pines at Galena Creek Park in Reno, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Slivers of light pass through my body
A visitation of divine splendor
Expressed in a rainbow

Caress, shade, take comfort
My heart was enveloped in a secret moment
While the Gods waited on the Other Side
Of the Veil

Trees caress gilded sunbeams
Taking flight, my heart rejoins
The Sun God
Amidst ripples of Ether

Over my skin
In my mouth
Earnest and waiting for your release
I taste all I ever needed to know
Of rainbows

I Go In After Water

Small waterfall at Galena Creek Park, Reno, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Death I follow you in
Underneath the waters
 
A cavern I find my home
Leaving behind my body
I swim in the trail
The eternal stars leave
For me

To be one of them
As I have been one
With you
But my body disappointed me
Even after bringing you
Into the presence of
Divinities

Water I go down
Rushing into my new form

I have left you all behind
As life is left behind
As your body is left behind
As beauty is left behind
As wealth is left behind

All I ever was I am now
Floating after the waters
Wet with life
Even in death

Golden Leaves

Golden Fall leaves at Galena Creek Park in Reno, Nevada/ Photo by the author

Yellow leaves
Hold transformation captive,
A moment lost, turning away

I came down to the river's edge
To find you
Dappled by the sun,
Your face the envy of even
Apollo's fairest countenance

How do I become the object
Of your desires?
I watch the waters
Shatter over moss-enveloped
Stones,
Slick and wet like your skin...
A Summer past when we
First met

Yellow leaves
Turning, turning, turning
I hold your face in the
Eyes of my heart,
Knowing that soon enough
The Winter will chase my
Memory away.

Outside My Bedroom Window

The view from my bedroom window on a cold Fall morning

Outside my bedroom window the sudden burst of sunlight captures a purple sky,
Warming at last the bare branches of trees.
The sun brings with it the kiss of rebirth,
And birds sing, reminding me that it is time for you to go.

Silence birds! I will have no more of you,
When kisses have excited my skin by night,
And it is by night that my manhood rises to seed my love's thighs.

Oh sun, I am done with you!
I refuse to allow your intrusion into this tiny paradise of mine.
My lover slept so soundly in my sheets, against my loins,
inside my panting breast.

Now gone, because of this morning's sun.
So beautiful, you say, when a blood red sky gives way to golden yellow.
I would rather see the moon a thousand times over,
When his naked curves pour sweat, thrust and bring me home again.
Tonight goodbye inconvenient sun, when again my lover comes,
To make wet the plains and crevices of my thirsty skin.

Liberation Becomes Me

Detail from "As My Father's Eye Watches Me"/ Painting in progress by the author

Death cannot capture me nor decay contain me. 
Your cage, I am unbound, and my heart is not swallowed nor ensnared by folly. 

Sunset of fire, the vault of a starry sky waits beneath the surface. 
I eat the stars. 
I eat the stars and give birth to the full moon. 

A shudder passes between my legs when moon becomes my heartbeat. 
Deb deb. Deb deb. 
That is the sound my heart makes in your hand, 
When the last drops of my blood descend into the hungry earth.

As My Father's Eye Watches Me

"As My Father's Eye Watches Me", Oils & Sterling silver on canvas/ Painting in progress by the author

Flint, my heart embraces you. 
The place men fear to journey,
I have traversed and returned. 
Unscathed? 
Who can say, but for the shadows making love to my skin. 

Before I knew you I was a child. 
Freedom was ignorance born from the womb. 
On your sacrificial stone, 
Bent over backwards, 
My body became yours. 

Blood is a natural thing, 
Yet how unnatural to warm your bed, 
Taste your tongue, share your nights. 

My father's eye watches me, 
As I undress, as I strip, my bones exposed. 
Yet I clutched a golden eagle to my breast. 
I gathered precious jadestone 
And summoned the Smoking Mirror to avenge me. 

Now where are you? 
The jaguar, she has claimed your soul for me, 
And very slowly shall I savor it. 

Back to the beginning, I travel alone...
Back to my rebirth, as my father's eye watches me.

Narcissus

A mystical evening on the flooded Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah/ Photo by the author

Where is rapture? 
Where is ruin? 
Down by the water's edge 
I take all of what you left behind. 
Hidden away, secreted in my heart, 
No one will ever find the piece of you I have cherished. 

Water you deceiver! 
My reflection enticed me, 
Before I was swallowed by the abyss, 
My vanity my conqueror. 

Still, I had you.
I married you to my thighs 
And will never regret having burned 
My Soul with your lust. 

Water, I am ready. 
Take me down and let me become a god.

Fortune or Acclaim

A cool night falls in the desert mountains of Utah/ Photo by the author

Sun upon my face,
Moon at my back,
Stars weaving their magic about my contemplation.

How surprising to find you here, 
In a heavenly mirror without age, without death.

I would rather waste away my day in the sun, 
And my nights in the fire of your bed, 
Than have fortune or acclaim in the world of little men.

Stars, my lovers, 
Sea and moon, my ecstasy,
And my climax my end.

I caress you in my waking dreams, 
Where death is kept at bay by the sun upon my face.